cootiesdrunk (cootiesdrunk) wrote in dramaproject,
cootiesdrunk
cootiesdrunk
dramaproject

New 1 Act, Criticisms are much appreciated.

Tara – A talkative, emotional cashier at an airport coffee stand. Very loud and whiney. Whenever she is upset, she says things as if she has been meaning to say them for a long time. She is short.

 

Melvin – Her coworker. Quiet, shy. Entertains himself with small things.

 

Andrew – An undercover terrorist. He is a very good looking guy who just wants things to be settled. He avoids his problems and rarely makes eye contact.

 

Carl – His partner. He carries an air of superiority. He is tall, large man, a little chubby, with very short hair. He womanizes.

 

Voice – The voice on the PA system of the airport. She enjoys sushi and soft rock.

 

An airport food court. Light on a coffee and donut stand where Tara is organizing the register. Melvin is wiping down the counters. On the other side of the stage there is a row of chairs where Andrew and Carl sit, but it is made clear throughout the play that the two sections of the stage are out of earshot of one another. The sound of airplanes taking off is heard at the beginning of the scene.

 

TARA

Ugh!

 

She slams cash into the register violently.

 

(louder) UGH!

 

MELVIN

Are you okay?

 

TARA

No! I’m not okay, I’m not okay at all. I’m awful!

 

MELVIN

I’m sorry

 

(beat)

(beat)

 

TARA

Don’t you wanna know why?

 

MELVIN

Why?

 

TARA

Because my stupid, stupid boyfriend just decided that I wasn’t important anymore and that he’s just going to leave me all alone forever.

 

MELVIN

I’m very sorry.

 

(beat)

(beat)

 

TARA

Don’t you want to know what he DID?

 

MELVIN

What did he do?

 

TARA

Oh he was such an asshole! He told me last night – he was acting really weird, like he wanted to leave as fast as he could – that he was leaving today! Just all of a sudden. And when I asked him “Andrew, at least tell me where you’re going!” he said “I can’t tell you. It’s for your own good.” What the hell is that supposed to mean?! I mean, I don’t think…what if he’s been CHEATING on me?!

 

Melvin puts his hand on her shoulder

 

Don’t touch me Melvin. I hate men.

 

(beat)

(beat)

 

Don’t you even wanna know how I feel about it?

 

MELVIN

How do you –

 

TARA

(interrupting) Oh never mind! I don’t want your pity. All you men, you’re all exactly the same!

 

MELVIN

I’m sorr –

 

TARA

Go wipe the counters!

 

He does. Tara and Melvin work quietly through Carl and Andrew’s dialogue. . Carl is reading a newspaper and Andrew is fidgeting nervously.

 

CARL

(from behind his newspaper)

Is everything ready?

 

ANDREW

Everything’s in place. All I have to do is get on the next flight, then I can carry out the rest of the plan.

 

CARL

So your briefcase – is it ready to be deployed?

 

ANDREW

All ready. Now all we have to do is wait.

 

CARL

You’re sure it was checked into the last flight?

 

ANDREW

Yes, I’m sure.

 

CARL

Good. We can’t afford to lose a man like you.

 

Andrew shifts uncomfortably. He plays with his hands looks worried.

 

What the hell is wrong with you today?

 

ANDREW

It’s nothing sir. Just had problems getting to sleep.

 

CARL

Were you in danger?

 

ANDREW

No, it was my girlfriend

 

CARL

(Insinuating)

Oh, I see

 

ANDREW

No it wasn’t anything like that sir.

 

CARL

Right, right, of course. You two were up saying goodbye.

 

 

(beat)

 

ANDREW

She broke into my house.

 

CARL

Oh wow.

 

ANDREW

Five times.

 

CARL

How did she manage that?

 

ANDREW

She knows which windows I leave open…

 

Carl is laughing and continues to laugh through this dialogue:

 

…what doors can be opened with a nail file…

 

(beat, Carl still laughing)

 

Damnit Carl she broke a window!

 

Carl is cracking up by now.

 

ANDREW

Good to know I’m appreciated.

 

CARL

(recovering) ohh..heh heh…whooo….

 

(beat)

 

Right, well, hoo, anyways, back to business.

 

(long pause)

 

Carl turns back to his newspaper and Andrew resumes sitting restlessly. Carl glances around furtively then, after a few seconds, he stands up and puts his newspaper on the chair.

 

 

ANDREW

Where are you going?

 

CARL

Gettin a donut.

 

Carl walks over to the coffee stand where Tara and Melvin are quietly cleaning. It takes a second for Tara to acknowledge that there is a customer. She is very irritated that she has to deal with someone.

 

TARA

What’ll it be?

 

CARL

It’ll just be two glazed donuts

 

TARA

(Half to herself, audibly)

 I bet it will

 

Melvin retrieves the donuts and takes Carl’s money, nudging Tara aside.

 

MELVIN

Here you are sir

 

CARL

Thank you.

 

Carl moves back to his seat and hands a donut to Andrew. They both eat their donuts.

Andrew takes a bite and puts his down.

 

ANDREW

I can’t eat this

 

CARL

You nervous?

 

ANDREW

Sick to my stomach

 

CARL

Don’t worry about it. Once the plane gets here we can be on our way, get the money, and live the good life. This is great. After today, you can forget all about this, though I don’t know why you’d want to.

 

 

ANDREW

I guess so

 

CARL

You’ve earned this donut, Andrew. Indulge yourself for once.

 

Both men resume eating their donuts.

 

TARA

(Not facing Melvin, aggressively organizing the counter)

So I see it’s YOUR turn to be cashier now Melvin.

 

MELVIN

That man had important things to do.

 

TARA

(Turning to face him)

Oh, so you don’t think I had anything important to say, Melvin? Do you think women don’t have viable opinions?

 

(Pause. Melvin rolls his eyes and resumes cleaning)

 

And why did you push me out of the way Melvin? Is it because you think that you have power over me, that as a woman, I should automatically submit to your will? That I’ll just get out of the way do the dishes have sex with you and birth your children and become an old, ugly lady who will do anything you want ever?

 

(beat)

 

MELVIN

(meekly)

Tara, I really don’t want your children.

 

TARA

Life is so hard Melvin!

 

MELVIN

It sure is

 

TARA

I can’t stand it!

 

MELVIN

You sure can’t

 

TARA

Ugh!

 

ANDREW

(looking frightened)

What was that?

 

CARL

Is there a problem?

 

ANDREW

I could have swore I just heard my –

 

TARA

(excitedly)

ANDREW!!!!

 

Tara runs out of the booth and Andrew reluctantly starts to walk towards her.

 

ANDREW

Heyyyyy…

 

TARA

I missed you so much! Are you here to whisk me away and apologize over a nice, romantic, candlelit dinner followed by a bubble bath?

 

ANDREW

Uh, well, baby, um, we talked about this yesterday, remember? I have to well, you know –

 

TARA

-so you’re still going to LEAVE ME?

 

ANDREW

Baby, I have to

 

TARA

But WHY?

 

 

Andrew starts to say something but Tara, seeing Carl, interrupts him.

 

 

Oh, is this your father? The one you would never let me meet?

 

ANDREW

Oh c’mon, you never wanted to meet my dad! You always just wanted to have “us” time.

 

TARA

Yes, but you could tell that I secretly really wanted to meet him! You could tell!

Well, I guess we finally meet, Mr. Cliff.

 

She extends her hand to Carl and he takes it and shakes it heartily.

 

CARL

Hey there. Glad my son could finally bring me out here to meet you.

 

TARA

Hi. I’m Tara.

 

CARL

(interested)

Well hello Tara. I would love to get to know you one on one sometime soon…

 

ANDREW

Carl!

 

CARL

…maybe we could go get some sushi…

 

ANDREW

Carl! I mean, Dad! She’s not interested. We have to go.

 

TARA

(Charmed)

O C’mon Andrew, I think your father is a very sweet guy. Don’t worry, it’s okay now!

 

She grabs both of Andrews hands and looks up at him, making an obnoxiously cute face.

 

Now that I know everything we can all relax and continue our lives together.

 

ANDREW

No Tara! I really need to go, and I need to go right now. (To Carl. Muffled.) We’re – going – to – miss – our – FLIGHT.

 

CARL

Oh Andrew. You know how anxious he gets. But I love him.

 

Carl pats Andrew audibly on the back.

 

Let’s go Andy!

 

 

TARA

Why don’t you gentlemen come to lunch with me?

 

ANDREW

No that’s alright Tara, we really just want to -

 

TARA

Unless there’s something you’re not telling me.

 

CARL

No. Nope. Nothing. Wouldn’t want you to get the wrong idea.

 

TARA

Andrew! There’s something you’re hiding from me!

 

Andrew turns to go, but Tara grabs him.

 

It’s true isn’t it!

 

ANDREW

Baby, maybe we can talk about this some other time. I really need to go – now.

 

(Tara gasps miserably and there is a long pause. Carl, Andrew, and Melvin (who has stopped cleaning) look at her, confused.)

 

TARA

(upset)

Okay Andrew. I see fully what’s going on. Why didn’t you just tell? Why couldn’t you have saved me the heartbreak?

 

ANDREW
(More sympathetically)

Tara, what are you talking about baby? What’s wrong?

 

TARA

You’re running off to some sexy, exotic island for the summer with your new boyfriend right? Never bother to tell me this. Never bother to take me somewhere nice even to make up for it. We never even got to go to Las Vegas!

 

But that’s not it, is it? You’re going to go start a big business somewhere and you just don’t want me to come and you’re just too cheap to pay for my movies and my clothes anymore.

 

Or maybe you’re off to become some hot, sexy movie star and this is your talent agent, and you’re just embarrassed to be seen with me!

 

 

Tara is very upset by now.

 

ANDREW

Hey, hey, calm down, calm down. I’m not about to live some big, awesome life somewhere. And I’m not gay. This is just my buddy Carl.

 

TARA

(Faking tears)

But that’s what gay people who secretly date and hide from their girlfriends ALWAYS SAY!

 

CARL

I’m not gay, honestly. I think you’re very pretty. You’re a very attractive young woman.

 

VOICE

Flight 112 first class to Dublin is now boarding.

 

CARL

We. Have. To. Go. NOW

 

MELVIN

C’mon Tara, just let the guys go.

 

TARA

No! Melvin just stay out of this! I’m sick of hearing your stupid voice nagging me and telling me what to do all the time, I can’t stand it! Get back to scrubbing dirt off the floor where you belong!

 

During this dialogue, Melvin appears to get more and more outraged.

 

CARL

(Pulling Andrew aside)

Look, I’m getting on that flight. If you don’t board, I can’t do anything to stop the cops from getting to you.

 

Carl exits.

Melvin looks frantically around the booth and picks up a blender. He crawls over the counter to where Andrew and Tara are arguing, creeping up slowly.

 

ANDREW

(Trying to free himself from Tara’s grip)

Baby, please, I got to get on this plane. I really need to go. Right now.

 

MELVIN

(A little harshly)

C’mon Tara, I need you over here.

TARA

Shut up Melvin! You don’t need anything but a rag and some Windex!

 

TARA

You’re not flying away to Ireland without me! And I’m not leaving until you tell me –

 

Tara is interrupted by a hard blow to the head by Melvin’s blender. She is knocked unconscious and falls onto Andrew, who lowers her to the floor. During Melvin’s monologue, Andrew’s stare is fixed and he is motionless. Melvin begins talking as if he is reasoning with her, but as time goes on, his speech becomes faster and more frantic with a wild expression on his face.

 

MELVIN

I really do hate you, you know. Every time I mop the floor I just want to leave that square by the counter the way it is so you can see how fast your filth collects. Sometimes I see customers look at their coffees funny – probably afraid some of your face fell off in them. You know, once I put ice on your chair for revenge and when you sat down you didn’t even feel it. That’s how cold your ass is. That goes beyond a medical condition. That is just the world’s way of telling me how cold you are. I cut half an inch off the back of your hair every Saturday, and way back in September I put something dead in your car (I don’t remember what it was) and you smelled like it for weeks. Now whenever you yell at me I imagine your roadkill somewhere, a dead rabbit – yes that was it. Beaten to death by my SUV and stinking up another whining girl’s trunk.

 

I hope I killed you with this blender today Tara! I hope that by murdering you with this blender I become so famous people stop caring about who died at the hands of my blender! I hope heavy metal bands name themselves after your murder and write songs about your dying at the hands of my blender. DID YOU EVEN THINK ABOUT ME ONCE? TO THINK I USED TO BE IN LOVE WITH YOU! I HATE YOU! I ABSOLUTELY HATE COFFEE AND BUSINESSMEN AND HAPPY REUNIONS. I HATE CLEANING THINGS AND MAKING ICE AND I HATE THAT I SCREWED UP EVERYTHING BETWEEN US JUST NOW!

 

(beat. Melvin looks around frantically, looking panicked)

 

Igottagetoutta here. Theresgonnabesomecopshere soon.

 

Melvin runs off stage. There is a long pause. Andrew kneels by Tara and places her in his lap. Realizing that cops will be arriving soon, he becomes nervous. Tara slowly regains consciousness.

 

TARA

Hmm…what? Andrew? Hiiiiii

 

ANDREW

Oh my god Tara, are you okay?

 

Tara stands up slowly. Andrew follows.

 

TARA

Yeah, I’m okay. Oh Andrew, what happened? Did I faint? Did you catch me?

 

ANDREW

I guess you must have. So listen…

 

Andrew is getting very nervous now. He puts his arm around Tara.

 

…It was going to be a surprise, but I think I should, um, tell you. Now. I planned a surprise trip for us, but we’re gonna miss our plane if we don’t hurry.

 

TARA

Oh Andrew, that would be wonderful! I knew I couldn’t be mad at you forever!


ANDREW

What can I say? I feel really bad about this whole thing.

 

Andrew picks up Tara and runs offstage with her, looking frightened

 

TARA

Oh this is so romantic!


End of Play.
 
Hello! This is a comedy I've been working on for a lab my school's theater department is doing. Any and all criticism is welcome. Thank you to all!

-Jordan

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