Charlie Guiteau (Jake) (charlieguiteau) wrote in dramaproject,
Charlie Guiteau (Jake)
charlieguiteau
dramaproject

A New Play

A new play! Please read. It's rough and I need help with it! Especially the ending. Enjoy!

EVA By Jake P.

(Lights up on a the women's fashion part of a department store. Three Mannequins are set up showing off some clothes. One of them is in nothing but lingerie... this is Eva. A clock on the wall states it's 3 P.M. and time for the afternoon shift to start. Perhaps a customer strolls around the clothes looking at the different clothing apparel. A worker stands ready to help any customer who needs help. This is HAROLD RACOR. He doesn't work in this department, but he's here anyway. Generally, works in the Men's big and tall section. A new man walks in the store. This is ALBERT BIX. The first thing he see's is Eva in her lingerie. He let's out a small but significant gasp of disbelief and horror.)

ALBERT
Wha...? I...!

(Harold see's his reaction and begins to quietly chuckle to himself.)

ALBERT
YOU! Did you do this?

HAROLD
Do what?

ALBERT
Don't play stupid, Harold.

HAROLD
Are you calling me stupid?

ALBERT
N...no... I'm not calling you stupid, I'm saying you're PLAYING stupid!

HAROLD
I'm not going to be called stupid by a sicko like you!

ALBERT
I'm not a sicko! Did you do this?

HAROLD
Do what?

ALBERT
STOP IT, HAROLD! Please... tell me!

HAROLD
Tell you what?

ALBERT
Did you take the clothes off of her?

HAROLD
Who?

ALBERT
Ev...the mannequin!

HAROLD
What if i did?

ALBERT
Well... this isn't your department... and... and you ruined my display!

HAROLD
No, I didn't.

ALBERT
Yes you did!

HAROLD
No I didn't.

ALBERT
You took off all of her clothes! She isn't supposed to be in lingerie! She's supposed to be in a very fashionable and in season Red halter top with a black skirt valuing at over $60. And you... you took it off of her!

HAROLD
Don't you mean it?

ALBERT
What?

HAROLD
You said her, she's not real... don't you mean it?

ALBERT
I... Why are you here?! Go back to Men's big and tall!

HAROLD
There's nobody over there. I can see it from here.

ALBERT
Well... you... you're ruining MY work station!

HAROLD
You were late, I thought I should cover for you.

ALBERT
I wasn't la...

HAROLD
You got here at 3:04. Work starts at 3:00.

ALBERT
I got caught up... please... leave me alone.

HAROLD
Why? Are you going to be doing something other than standing here waiting for customers that you don't want me to see?

ALBERT
Y...no! If you... If you don't go... I'm going to call Hannah!

HAROLD
What a tattle tale!

ALBERT
I'm not a... Leave me alone! Go back to Men's big and tall!

HAROLD
Ok.

ALBERT
Really?

HAROLD
Yeah... I'll go. That's all you had to say Al.

ALBERT
I told you, My name is Albert. I don't like to be called Al. We
talked about this.

HAROLD
Slipped my mind.

ALBERT
Well... ok... that's fine... but try to remember in the future.

HAROLD
Will do.
(He begins to walk off to the Men's big and tall section)
But first...
(He rushes towards Eva the mannequin and begins to dance with it)

ALBERT
(Let's out a "yeep" of horror)
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!?!

HAROLD
Just dancin' with a mannequin. Nothin' weird about that, right?

ALBERT
STOP IT!

HAROLD
Stop what?

ALBERT
STOP DANCING WITH EVA!

HAROLD
(He stops dancing with the Mannequin)
Eva?

ALBERT
...What?

HAROLD
You just said Eva.

ALBERT
No I didn't.

HAROLD
Yes you did.

ALBERT
Wh...wha...why would I say Eva?

HAROLD
Is that the HER name?

ALBERT
Y...NO! LEAVE ME ALONE!

HAROLD
Alright... Let me just get one big kiss with Eva first. You don't mind do you?

(He attempts to dip and kiss the Mannequin but Albert, overcome with rage, grabs Harold and punches him in the face. Harold clutches his bleeding nose.)

ALBERT
You leave her alone or I'll kill you!

HAROLD
YOU THINK YOU CAN DO THAT TO ME?! YOU LITTLE PRICK!

ALBERT
(While running through clothes racks trying to get away from Harolds clutches)
Sorry! Sorry! Sorry! Sorry! Sorry!

(HANNAH runs over. She is the store manager and both Harold and Albert’s boss.)

HANNAH
(In a very loud, angry whisper)
WHAT ARE YOU TWO DOING!?!?! YOU ARE ACTING LIKE CHILDREN IN A RESPECTABLE CLOTHING STORE!!!!

ALBERT
He started it!

HAROLD
No he did!

HANNAH
I don't care who started it! I'm finishing it!

HAROLD
I'm bleeding because of him!

HANNAH
Why?

HAROLD
He punched me in the nose!

HANNAH
Did you punch him in the nose?

ALBERT
(After a long pause of just hand gestures and trying to figure out something to say)
He Had a hold of her!

HANNAH
(Can't quite believe this)
SO WHAT?! We don't pay you to muck around! I have to write you up, now! I don't have a choice. Get back to work!

HAROLD
What about my nose?

HANNAH
You're fine. Get back to Men's big and tall.

HAROLD
But...

HANNAH
Will you go?

HAROLD
Fine.
(Starts to walk off)
I'll see you later... AL.

HANNAH
(To Albert)
Get back to work. One more thing like that and I will fire you. Have no doubt.

(She exits. Albert watches her leave. He then looks over to Men's big and tall where Harold has just given him some sort of hand gesture. Albert signs something back. Have fun with that. He shrugs him off and looks back at Eva, the mannequin.)

ALBERT
(To eva)
I'm sorry... I'm so sorry! Don't look at me that way. Don't be so hard on me. I couldn't help it. If I get fired, who'll look after you, Eva? I had something to tell you too... You want to know? You really want to know? Wait... look at you! You're naked! Let me get some clothes on you.
(He begins to pick out clothes straight from the rack)
How about this today? I... I know you like the green, but this matches your blue eyes better. I'll put this on you.
(He begins to dress the Mannequin)
I'm sorry I was late. And no, I'm not seeing another woman or anything. I just got caught up in traffic. Did you sleep well last night? What did you dream about? Did you dream about the house? I love it when you look at me that way.
(Pause)
You're so perfect. You always know just the thing to say. You can listen. Some girls don't have that ability... but you do. You listen... To everything I say. So beautiful... So... so beautiful.
(Steps a bit away from her.)
What's wrong with me? Am I crazy?
(Steps back)
I didn't say anything. I didn't say anything. I'm not ashamed of you. You're my only.
(A customer approaches him.)
YES?

CUSTOMER
...what were you doing?

ALBERT
Nothing.

CUSTOMER
You were talking to that mannequin.

ALBERT
No I wasn't.

CUSTOMER
Yes you were.

ALBERT
NO I wasn't.

CUSTOMER
Then who were you talking to?

ALBERT
I was talking to... somebody else.

CUSTOMER
Who?

ALBERT
I was talking to...Fred.

CUSTOMER
There's nobody else around.

ALBERT
I'm Fred. My name is Fred.

CUSTOMER
You're Fred?

ALBERT
Yes.

CUSTOMER
You refer to yourself in the third person?

ALBERT
N... Yes... I do.

CUSTOMER
Then why does your name tag say Albert.

ALBERT
It doesn't.

CUSTOMER
Yes it does, It's right there.

ALBERT
Can I help you find something Miss?

CUSTOMER
I'm looking for clothes.

ALBERT
That's good when your in the clothing section. It means your on the right track.

CUSTOMER
Where are the tops?

ALBERT
Right over here. Are you looking for any specific kind?

CUSTOMER
No. Just the tops.

ALBERT
Ok. If you need anything, my name is Al...Fred. Alfred.

CUSTOMER
I thought you said it was Fred.

ALBERT
Fred is a nick name... for Alfred... which is what my name is.

CUSTOMER
Oh.

ALBERT
I'll be over here.

CUSTOMER
By the mannequin, right?

ALBERT
Ye... Yes. But me being next to the mannequin has nothing... to do with... nothing. I'll be over here.

(He walks back to his place next to Eva. The customer continues to browse the clothing. Albert glances back at her every now and then to make sure she isn't looking at him. He nonchalantly whispers in Eva's ear.)

ALBERT
Sorry about that, sweetness. I love you. I don't care if she knows it, I really don't. Just sometimes, I don't quite know how to put it so they'll understand. You understand. Yes... you do... You understand everything.

(A triumphant laugh is heard off stage where Harold is working in the Men's Big and Tall. He runs in with a magazine in his hand, it looks like a readers digest. He taunts Albert with it, who has no idea what he's getting taunted with.)

ALBERT
What... Stop!

HAROLD
I've got you now! I've got you now!

ALBERT
Who are you, The Penguin? What do you mean "I've got you now"?

HAROLD
I knew you'd slip up, you sicko.

ALBERT
I'm not a sicko!

HAROLD
Yes you are! I've got proof!

ALBERT
P...Proof?

HAROLD
You and that... thing!

ALBERT
What are you talking about?

HAROLD
Do you know what this is?

ALBERT
Heads up weekly?

HAROLD
WRONG! It's... oh... no- it's Heads Up weekly.

ALBERT
I know, I can read.

HAROLD
It's the newest issue of Heads Up weekly!

ALBERT
So?

HAROLD
Do you read Heads Up weekly?

ALBERT
Not really.

HAROLD
I think you do.

ALBERT
Nope.

HAROLD
Not even the advice column

ALBERT
(Faint quivering in his voice)
Ad...advice column?

HAROLD
Yeah.

ALBERT
N...no.

HAROLD
Did you ever write a letter to them?

ALBERT
To the advice column?

HAROLD
Yeah.

ALBERT
I... no.

HAROLD
Really?

ALBERT
Yeah.

HAROLD
I think you're lying Al, and I have the evidence to prove it.

ALBERT
W...Why do you keep saying that? What- What proof do you have of what?

HAROLD
They published your letter. They even put your real name! What a dumbass!

ALBERT
I'm not a dumbass!

HAROLD
You put your name on a letter like this! You are a dumbass!

ALBERT
They... they published my letter?
(Albert cowers back to Eva where he clutches her hand. Scared to death and breathing heavily. He's to scared to speak.)

HAROLD
Oh yeah, Al, They answered it to!

ALBERT
W... I... Wh...

HAROLD
What's that? You want me to read it for the store?

ALBERT
N...I...

(Harold walks over to the store speaker phone usually reserved for "Assistance in aisle five needed" and "Clean up in the toy department" As he reads aloud the stores loudspeaker amplifies everything he says. )

HAROLD
Attention all customers! Attention all customers! This is Harold, your helpful sales associate, from your Men's Big and Tall section, Right by the men's jeans. I'd like to tell you all about Albert Bix. He just had a letter printed in Heads Up Weekly! Very reputable! Unfortunately, it's only a letter to their Advice column. It reads:
(He coughs and prepares his throat. Albert can't quite conceive what's going on.)
Dear Sir, Excuse me writing to you, but you say write your difficulties. I am in a difficulty and cannot ask anyone else, they will say I'm crazy. I AM IN LOVE! Only, the young lady is not like others. She is different. Have you been along Bagby street at eight in the morning? I have to go every morning, that is where I work. In the store windows you can see the men carrying in the artificial ladies they have to dress for the day. All the way along you can see them, like the old master picture of the Romans and the stolen women, only not so fat. Some struggle, some have their arms round the men's necks but are looking out of the window. She does not struggle OR look out the window. She is one of those young ladies. I am one of the men who dresses her and puts her on display for everyone to see. She lives in my department. Surely, it is not much different from falling in love with a film star. I have been in Cleveland at this job for four years, no one really to talk to. She seems to know everything I say. She has those very long blue eyes, thinking about the rocky blue ocean, but very kind. After all, What do you really want with a girl if not higher things? I look after her every way, and you would really think she knew. Ordinary girls don't know, take it from me. I get here and keep well in front of her, protecting her, until she is fully dressed, no one shall write papers about her. Anyway, what is it they make all the fuss about- Nothing! I am not crazy! She is what I want. Not everybody wants a lot of chatter and a family. You want somebody to understand you, so you can be happy. I would look after her, but they cost $600, you might as well cry for the moon. Besides, If I got the $600, they would say to me, you are crazy. Or immoral purposes. IT IS NOT LIKE THAT. In the store, they sometimes overhear me speaking to her and they rib me all the time for it. I shall know what to do if I know what I am. My plans are made. Please tell me, Sirs, if you think they are right, am I insane? Yours truly, Albert Bix.

(Hannah rushes in. Dumbfounded. Not sure whether to be more mad at Harold for that blatant act of defiance over the loudspeaker, or disgusted by Albert for his... affair.)

HAROLD
(Seeing Hannah)
This concludes our announcement. Thank you all for listening.
(Harold quickly hangs up the phone and goes over to Hannah, he is about to make up an excuse. Hannah is too upset to even begin to think about possibly considering listening.)

HAROLD
Hannah, listen...

HANNAH
(Just starts sprouting off random words and sounds to prohibit Harold from speaking. It's beyond angry, it's livid.)
Ugabadafasamanel! Du du du du du!
(Albert tries to go over to talk to her, but she merely does the same thing, except instead of anger it's out of disgust and awkwardness. There is no consoling some people.)
DON! YOU!
(The customer, who has been here the whole time and has listened to everything Harold said. She looks at Albert almost sadly with a faint understanding. Where did that come from?)

CUSTOMER
And I thought I was only getting a skirt...

(Hannah rushes to the speaker and picks it up in a very Bumbling way. She presses the button and nearly screams into the phone. She is the manager and has no idea how to handle this situation. A bit to Awkward and intenste.)

HANNAH
Ladies and gentlemen. This is Hannah, your store manager. I am... incredibly... Incredibly sorry for... THAT. I guarantee that that was no employee of our fine staff here. Please disregard the message... and for the next 10 minutes... all designer tees are 20% off! Thanks for shopping with us! HAHA!
(She slams the phone down on the reciever.)

(Hannah paces and talks to herself. Harold, the customer, and Albert just watch. All are too afraid to stop her. Albert finally steps forward.)

ALBERT
Ummm... Hannah?

HANNAH
NO! Don't! I have to figure out what to do?

HAROLD
What's the big deal?

HANNAH
What's the big deal?!? YOU JUST BASICALLY READ A PERVERSE AND PORNOGRAPHIC NOTE OVER THE LOUD SPEAKER!! WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!?! YOU CAN'T DO THAT!!! YOU! OUT! FIRED! GO!

ALBERT
Well... in...

HANNAH
AND YOU!!! Is... is it true? Please... Albert... please, it's not... right? You didn't... really... I mean...

ALBERT
Well... it's...

HAROLD
You can't fire me!

HANNAH
Yes... I can. I just did.

HAROLD
Wait!

HANNAH
Albert, is it true?

HAROLD
Yes it is! The sicko loves a mannequin!

HANNAH
Shut up, Harold! Albert, is it true? Do you... do you love a mannequin?

(Albert honestly can't say anything. He's petrified.)

HAROLD
Of course it's true, just look at him!

HANNAH
Is it true?

ALBERT
(Finally)
Yes.

HANNAH
You... love... a mannequin?

ALBERT
Yes.

HANNAH
Why?

ALBERT
I don't know.

HANNAH
Go. Your fired. Get out.

ALBERT
You can't fire me.

HANNAH
Yes I can! Both of you are fired!
(Both Albert and Harold begin to speak to Hannah at once protesting their firing.)

ALBERT (OVERLAPPING)
I can't go!

HAROLD (OVERLAPPING)
You don't want to fire me!

ALBERT (OVERLAPPING0
Please don't make me leave!

HAROLD (OVERLAPPING)
I've worked here 2 years!

ALBERT (OVERLAPPING)
I can't leave. I don't know what would happen. I'd die!

HAROLD (OVERLAPPING)
Who would run the Men's Big and Tall section?

ALBERT
(Harold stops talking right before he says this and it seems to echo)
I CAN'T LEAVE HER! SHE NEEDS ME!

(Albert looks around wildly and rushes off to the back of the store, undoubtedly to hide. )

HANNAH
Albert!
(She takes out her walkie Talkie)
Security? This is Hannah, Please begin a store search for Albert Bix.

(She hangs up the walkie talkie. Hannah walks over and looks at the mannequin. Nobody talks for a while. The customer doesn't quite know what's going on or what to make of the situation.)

CUSTOMER
(After a long beat)
So... all tees are 20% off, or just the designer ones?

HAROLD
Listen, I'm sorry... it'll never happen again, I was just having some fun!

CUSTOMER
On second thought, don't even worry about it.

(Hannah just sits on the floor and puts her face into her hands and begins to silently sob. Harold goes and sits beside her. He puts his arm around her.)

HAROLD
I'm... I'm sorry. It wasn't that bad of a note! I won't tell if you don't!
(Through the tears, Hannah chuckles a little bit)
There's a smile. Come on, you don't want to fire me. It would suck to have to train a whole new men's big and tall salesman.
(Hannah continues to cry, but is more willing to accept this support.)

HANNAH
You don't understand! It's not easy doing my job! I have to deal with customers, Work out problems, make sure everything's running smoothly! It's not easy! I don't have what it takes. Things like this make it that much harder!

HAROLD
Of course you do. You're a great boss! You handled that fine!

HANNAH
Really?

HAROLD
Yeah.

HANNAH
Thanks.

HAROLD
So am I still fired?

HANNAH
I don't know...

HAROLD
Come on...

HANNAH
You're on probation.

HAROLD
There we go.

HANNAH
Indefinately.

HAROLD
I can live with that.

(Hannah and Harold look at each other in the eyes. Harold brushes away hair from Hannah's face and they slowly both lean in and kiss. )

HANNAH
We can't do this! We're at work! We're being paid!

HAROLD
Yeah, totally! I don't know what came over me!

HANNAH
Us.

HAROLD
What?

HANNAH
What came over us.

HAROLD
Oh, yeah, what came over us.

HANNAH
I don't know, either.

HAROLD
Why?

HANNAH
I don't know, it just...

HAROLD
No, not that.

HANNAH
What?

HAROLD
Why a mannequin?

HANNAH
What?

HAROLD
Albert. He's in love with a mannequin.

HANNAH
A mannequin.

HAROLD
Her name is Eva?

HANNAH
What?

HAROLD
He named her Eva.

HANNAH
Who?

HAROLD
The mannequin.

HANNAH
Eva...

HAROLD
Yeah.

HANNAH
You knew this? You knew all this was happening and you never told anybody? That's serious business! He could have had serious mental problems! He could have been a time bomb about to explode! He could have brought in a gun and killed everybody in the store!

HAROLD
I... didn't really know... I just... made fun of him for it.

HANNAH
I see.

HAROLD
Sorry.

HANNAH
It's ok.

HAROLD
A Mannequin.

HANNAH
A Mannequin.

CUSTOMER
(Finally speaking up)
So?

HANNAH
What?

CUSTOMER
So what?

HANNAH
What do you mean?

CUSTOMER
So what if he's in love with a mannequin?

HANNAH
What do you mean? He's in love with an inanimate object! You don't see ANYTHING wrong with that?

CUSTOMER
I see lots of stuff wrong with that. But what your missing is what's right about it.

HAROLD
There's something right about "Manne-love"?

CUSTOMER
Yes.

HAROLD
What could possibly be right about it?

CUSTOMER
I use to be a secretary. And there's a big painting that hung on the wall facing my desk. Day in and day out I would look at that painting. And it was a landscape of 2 boys playing on the beach and their father stands there looking almost out of the portrait while the two boys play behind him. He was mysterious. He was beautiful.
(To Hannah)
Have you ever been in love?

HANNAH
No.

CUSTOMER
Neither had I. But, everyday, I'd look into this mysterious man's eyes and wish. I wish he'd come and take me away. I fell in love with him. I had problems and he listened. He listened. I could tell him anything. He wouldn't accuse me or think of me any differently, He'd just look at me with those sad, forgiving eyes and tell me I was his baby, even though he didn't say anything. One day, I came to work, and the picture was gone. It was replaced by an abstract piece that I didn't understand. I would look at this piece of art and cry, because it had nothing. I became obsessed with finding the other painting. I needed it. But by the time I finally got the courage to look for it... it was long gone. Nobody knew where it was. I lost my one true love. I'd give anything for that love again. It was so true, so pure. In his eyes, I could do no wrong. I gave him love with every fiber of my being, and returned it in full.

HANNAH
(After a beat)
Did you ever find it?

CUSTOMER
No. I lost him.

HANNAH
I'm sorry.

CUSTOMER
It's okay. It was a long time ago.

HAROLD
You...ARE insane. You know that, right? You're aware you are insane?

CUSTOMER
So what if I am? I was happy.

HAROLD
Mad but happy.

CUSTOMER
Right.

(Hannah and Harold stay close together as the woman bids the farewell and is on her way. )

HANNAH
I'm just a clothing store manager. This is way to much.

HAROLD
Yeah.

HANNAH
Yeah.

HAROLD
Have hey found Albert, yet?

HANNAH
They haven't walkie talkied me yet, so I assume not.

HAROLD
I guess... I guess I'll get back to work. I see somebody that needs big and tall clothing. He's not hard to miss.

HANNAH
Yeah. You should do that.

(Harold begins to walk off but then stops. He turns back to Hannah who has, in turn, turned towards Eva and is looking at her with almost an admiration.)

HANNAH
Harold, wait.

HAROLD
What?

HANNAH
What was the response to Albert's letter?

HAROLD
Take plenty of cold baths and get plenty of open air exercise. Change your occupation. If you are unable to put aside this degrades and perverse attachment, by all means, consult a reliable psychiatrist, and if necessary, enter an institution for treatment.

HANNAH
Haha. That was going to be my advice too.

HAROLD
Haha!
(Starts to walk off, but stops.)
Hannah?

HANNAH
Yes?

HAROLD
Would you like to... Do something... later... maybe?

HANNAH
(Stares at Eva for a little bit then responds)
Yes. I would like that.

(Harold walks towards her and gives her a kiss, right in front of Eva, the three almost create a triangle. Harold walks off.)

HANNAH
(To herself)
Eva...

(She begins to walk off stage towards the front of the store. A gunshot is heard offstage. Shouts of "He's got my gun" and "Look out" can be heard. Albert has obtained one of the store security guard's guns. He rushes on stage, pointing the gun around frantically.)

ALBERT
I won't let you take her away! I won't!
(He turns to Eva)
What do I do? What do I do? They won't let me take you! I tried to hide until night, but they found me. I let you down. I let you down!

(Hannah comes onstage a little more.)

HANNAH
Albert?

ALBERT
(Notices her)
WHAT? NO! YOU CAN'T TAKE HER FROM ME!

HANNAH
Albert, I don't want to...

ALBERT
I don't want to hear it!
(He points the gun at Hannah)
I don't want to hear it!
(About to shoot her... but wait)
I'm sorry Eva. I love you

(Albert turns the gun on himself and shoots himself. He falls down, bringing the Mannequin named Eva with him. Hannah stands there, dumbstruck. Lights slowly fade to black.)
END.
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